show and tell

I'm sitting here, thinking about what to write, after not having written in sevenpercent for two years.

I feel compelled to write, about what, I don't know. Two years is a long time to miss, and it doesn't seem right to just pick up from where I left off. Where I am now is worlds apart from where I was since my last blog in November 05, 2007 (for those who don't know, I was a marketing manager for St. Luke's then, and more sober, more driven, more optimistic, less mortal).

Today, I have three nephews and one niece, a much better job, and less friends.

Which is why I'm glad my last blog was about my pup-pah. Despite the fact that we are not close, I owe my life to my dad. He taught me to hold on to the things that I could never lose. He taught me to try to be better--to never accept myself as myself, but as someone better. If it weren't for him, I'd be a mere fraction of who I am today.

So it saddens me that today, despite all he did for me, I don't have much to show.

Sorry dad

paternally yours

Hi Dad!

It's been a long time since we've actually talked. I guess that's because even if we don't talk, I know you're always there.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you a story. Last Saturday, my friends and I went out for a drink. His name is XX XXXXX. We haven't been hanging out for a long time, so we had a lot of things to talk about: his love life, work, happenings and all that.

FYI, XX is a Business graduate from a good school. He dabbled in marketing before quiting, going back to school to study fashion. His father is some high-ranking military man.

So we got to the part about what's stressing him out. He said that it was his father, who wants him to quit fashion school and enter civil service. So I asked him, what's wrong with civil service? He replied, "I don't wanna be like my dad. He's corrupt."

At that moment, I wanted to tell XX, "Well, my father is in Davao, tending earthworms so that other people could have hope."

You may not hear it from me, Dad, but I'm proud of you--and my friends know that. Yes, my friends know that we don't have a perfect family. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, our family is one of the more problematic, unusual and unconventional families around. We have more problems and troubles than the average Filipino middle class.

But they also know that the reason why despite all these, we're happier than most, and thriving quite well, is because you raised us well. You've been a good parent, teaching us to study hard, be the best we can be, depend on nobody, be proud of our heritage, never stoop down to the level of rudeness and uncivility, help people who sincerely need it, and always be thankful.

At 28 years old, and my father is turning 62, I can sincerely say that I'm proud of you. And when I'm 62, I want to be able to leave everything behind, move to Davao, and hope that Josh and Zack will also say they're both proud of me, too.

Your son,
Ivan Noel G. OLEGARIO, MD
(emphasis by the author)

long streak

This blog entry is simply to break my absence since February 23, 2006. It's been more than a year since I blogged, and it makes me feel like I've betrayed a good friend by not blogging.

So many things have happened. I have a new job, a new niece, a new, well, practically everything. Even Jam 88.3 has a new format now, (and for those who know me, that IS a big deal for me).

It is indecent to have such a different life and not share it with the people who knew the old one.

Let's talk, friends.

Denial

If you refuse to believe in gravity ...



... will you not fall if you jump off a cliff?



Atheists should remember this argument.

glimpse

sabi nila, siya ay mabuti
kaya lagi ko siyang kinakausap
malay mo, baka pakinggan niya ako
pero di siya sumasagot

pero maski nakabibingi ang katahimikan
nagigising ako sa umaga
napapangiti ako sa pinakamababaw na bagay
hindi ako nagugutom
hindi pa ako nakukulong
padaka-daka ay nakakasulyap ako ng mga nakakamangha at nakakagulat na bagay
malamang hindi maisasapelikula ang buhay ko
at napakadaling magpatawad

siya nga ay mabuti

narinig ko na dati ang tungkol sa iyo
pero ngayon ay nakita ka ng aking mga mata

Cephalalgia

... sumasakit ang ulo ko,

kakaisip ...



...





... sa 'yo.

Whispering to the light

It's been almost 6 months since I last blogged, and much has happened since then. I don't want to enumerate them, for I maintain my conviction NOT to turn blog into an online journal. Still, the facts remain: I am alone at home just a little past midnight; it's raining outside (the first rain in a month, I dare say); and I am left to contemplate on these past 6 months.

But what's the use of contemplation if in the end they just fade away into the darkness of night. So instead, I whisper them to the light, from whom the past 6 months came from, and was witness to all these, and kept all these in his heart.

The light consumes those who whisper to him, and makes them his own. And those of the light overcome darkeness.